University of Virginia Cancels 21-Gun Salute Because “Honoring Veterans Encourages Gun Violence”

The University of Virginia cancelled their Veteran’s Day 21-gun salute, usually performed by the university’s ROTC group because an anonymous student complained.

According to a statement released by the president of the university:

The university in no way condones gun violence. We understand that our veterans used guns and even gave their lives for our freedom, but we can no longer agree to the behavior that the used. It is agreed by the highly educated that past wars ought to have been decided by negotiation and Silly Putty. Therefore, it is the belief of all who are smarter than you, that respecting veterans in a way that would honor them in the greatest possible way, is unacceptable. They used guns, but we cannot. Honoring veterans in this way encourages gun violence.

They went as far to change their official university gun policy on their website:

“Gun Policy: University of Virginia is a gun-free zone. Any student seen with a gun, gun propoganda, or an NRA membership will be immediately expelled. We believe the NRA is responsible for all gun deaths, both past and present.”

Thousands of students complained about this change. Their voices against the single complaint that the university decided to compromise.

“Beginning next year, we will celebrate by utilizing a 21-champagne bottle salute.” The noise of the corks is an “adequate substitute” because it “makes exactly the same noise as a gun.”

Fraternities are already planning for next year’s Veterans Day parties.

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